Pulicat a.k.a Pazhaverkadu

I went on a trip to Hampi for 2007's new year. I spent the new years' eve on a train from Hospet to Bangalore, talking to a middle aged Bengali woman, a young English cartoonist and a businessman from Hospet who found it weird that the three of us had come to Hampi on our own for no specific reason. It was a fun trip and i thought i should do something like that every year for new years', unless i had something better to do. I promptly did nothing in 2008. Ermm i think i watched putthaandu sirappu nigazhchigal ('new year special programmes' for the tamil challenged) on sun tv and saw people burst crackers on TV. I switched to DD Podhigai and saw a woman sadly doing the lots for a new year special game show. She seemed truly bored with the proceedings. Very exciting it was.

This year i decided to go to Pulicat lake. That's the second largest salt water lake in India (the largest being Chilka lake in Orissa), and is a Bird sanctuary. So i started driving down to Pulicat on 31st evening. Got lost. Asked a couple of parotta shop guys on NH5 where Pulicat was. They had no clue. Then i asked for Pazhaverkadu, and they gave me precise directions. Reached Pulicat at 10 pm. The only lodge there would be ready for occupation by March 2009! A tea shop guy asked me to sleep in my car. He said that that would ensure safety for the car and myself. That didn't sound too encouraging, so i backtracked to Ponneri (a village 17 km from Pulicat). Ponneri had a lodge but a murder had happened there a couple of days before and they wouldn't let me stay ('Police order sir'). Plus they kept asking me who was in the car (even after i had told them there was no one else). I wouldn't blame them. Guys stay with parents. Girls stay with parents. So guys and girls usually go all the way to Pulicat or Mahabalipuram to just make out, and some hotel owners are very uncomfortable with the idea. Anyways one saviour told me about this motel on NH5 near the check post. 'Chaitanya' it was called, and it was a welcome sight. They had rooms available, and they even had a bar. After checking in i headed to the bar. When i entered four drunk lawyers were arguing loudly about something. I had a beer sent to my room. I didn't want to welcome the new year from a 10ft x 7ft room. So i walked out to NH5 to welcome the year from a highway tea kadai there, a tea and the only cigarrette for the year in hand. Random guys were getting off cars and launching rockets from the median of NH5 at midnight to usher in the year. The highway suddenly wore a festive look and it was nice to be in the middle of all that as an onlooker. I messaged K wishing her more of Himalayas and other mountains and less of confusions for the year, and headed back to my room.

The drive to Pulicat early next day was beautiful. It was amazing to drive through vast expanses of fields dotted with birds early in the morning. I saw more birds en route to pulicat than in pulicat.





I hired a boat from the first guy who approached me. Boatman Khalsa has 3 daughters, and wants to make enough money to marry them off. For this part of the story i parted with 50 rupees more than the agreed amount. But he was a generally happy guy, and was thankful to the tourists because that's increased his income multifold. And he was thankful to mobile phones which, he says, is a big plus in his business. He gave a mouthful to the government and some environment protection agencies though, for stopping a bridge construction across the lake that would have helped kids attend school during the rains. And helped vehicular traffic scare birds off from that part of the sanctuary permanently probably. Now, the kids wade through knee deep water to get to school so that the birds can stay.

I wanted to see a lot of Flamingos in all their pinkness. I spotted 5 million fishermen and 1 Flamingo. I did see quite a few grey and white and black birds whose names i didn't know. But they weren't pink. There was this one trip i did with a bunch of random school kids, to Perambikulam wildlife sanctuary. We were at a place full of birds, where Salim Ali had apparently camped, and there was this sciene teacher who went 'Sir, inga evlo kuruvinga paarungalaen' ('Sir, look, there are so many sparrows here!'), unmindful of what birds they really were. I felt as ignorant as that science teacher.

Once we were done with standing in mostly birdless island patches, and were back in proper land, Khalsa asked me not to leave without eating Pulicat's Prawn biryani. He said, with sufficient notice, he could even prepare a grand sea-food meal if i came there with friends sometime. He was truly distressed when i told him i was a veggie. 'Verum soru kaay ela mattum saaptu eppdi sir irukkeenga? Naakku sethudaathu?' was his genuine concern :). ('How can you survive on just rice and vegetables and leaves? Won't your tongue die?'...ok, all this translation is very tiring)...



Then there was this Dutch cemetery, rather obscure in it's presence. The Dutch controlled Pulicat between the 1600s and 1800s. The cemetery, which is maintained by ASI, was locked, so i had to jump over it's gate to get in. I feel a sense of peace when i see cemeteries. Maybe it is the finality of the place. There was an old man in white, sleeping in the shade of the grandest tomb there. Most tombstones had metallic tops that shut the dead tight. I was reminded of Rachel from 'The unbearable lightness of being', who hates the idea of being pressed to the earth and being shut. Instead she wants to be burnt and wants her ashes thrown to the wind...

I'll have to go back to Pulicat sometime to get my eyes' fill of Flamingos. But despite the birdlessness, i thought the trip had enough moments to make it totally worthwhile...

God Goats Humans Kids

B takes his son to St.Thomas mount. That's a small hillock in chennai where St. Thomas was allegedly killed. There is a church built by the portuguese at the summit. And there is this tall, fiarly imposing statue of a Golden colored Jesus. So B's son sees people praying to the statue and asks B if he could too. B agrees. So the kid apparently brings his palms together, in standard Hindu prayer style, and tries to reach out to Jesus with a non-silent 'Gajaananam Bootha ganaathi saevitham'* shloka**! :). Funny and profound, no?

I don't know if Jesus or Ganesha had gotten confused, but adult humans are certainly a confused lot. In the context of the above incident, the basis of a lot of recent ill happenings seem ridiculous.In 'The unbearable lightness of being', Milan Kundera says that how someone treats those weaker to him/her determine's his/her niceness. He goes on to say that the human race is pretty much screwed up going by the way it treats animals. He talks about a more powerful species (hypothetical) coming in and treating us the way we treat, say, hens and goats and rats and guinea pigs, or something to that effect. 'Half a kilo boy meat, preferably thigh piece', someone from that species could say. Or use 20 year old women as 'guinea pigs' for untried drugs. Their biology classes could include dissection of 3 year olds to understand the human digestive system. Morbid, no? But we have Darwin, Survival of the fittest, Food cycle, Food web et al to explain the whole thing. OK, i could use some LSD now.

Anyways, all trash aside, the image of a kid saying 'Gajananam' to Jesus atop St.Thomas mount seems idyllic, and brings a smile. On that note, happy 2009 people.

*Shloka - A sanskrit hymn...
*Gajaananam - A shloka on Lord Ganesha...

Diwali...

Yesterday, i asked my mom, why she wasn't buying herself something for Diwali. She said it felt weird going Saree shopping on her own. She had a point. So we went to Kumaran Silks and picked up a couple of Sarees for her. We went to the Khadi next door and i picked up something for myself. The last time i had acknowledged Diwali (or any festive occasion for that matter) and did anything active centred around it was the last one we had in Trichy, in 1997.

When we reached home, mom busied herself making 'Diwali marundhu'. 'Marundhu' in Tamil means medicine, and 'Diwali marundhu' is usually had to aid in the digestion of the 15 kilos of random sweets an average family consumes on Diwali day (atleast in Tamilnadu). She makes very good 'marundhu', and Dad used to be a big fan of it (apparently mom learnt the recipe for it from Dad's mom). I knew she hadn't made it in a while. So i asked her when was the last time she made it. She said she hadn't made it after our last Diwali in Trichy. I can't think of an explicit reason, but i know that if the 'dress buying' act had not happened, the 'marundhu making' act wouldn't have happened either. I was glad we went through the exercise.

I had stopped doing a lot of things because they stopped appealing to me. But, you knock off a loud 'Happy New year' wish, a thoughtful 'Happy Birthday' phone call, new dresses, family dinners and 100-waalas for a Diwali, Baby-Krishna feet and 'Vella seedai' for Krishna Jayanthi, and hordes of other such stuff, there is very little magic left and life gets too drab. If your parents hadn't done anything about such occasions, you'd lose half your happy childhood memories. I am in the process of convincing myself that it is a great idea to wear new clothes and take a bite of home made Coconut burfi to celebrate Lord Krishna's killing of Naragasura...It'll take some effort but i guess i'll get there.

Anyways, if you're the celebrating kinds, wish you and your family a very Happy Diwali...Else, well, try and jump back into the bandwagon sometime...Sometimes it is nice to unlearn and do silly things, like bursting crackers with a 10 year old...

Finding love in 15 days...

Quick beautiful relationships happen only in the movies. The Holiday was depressing, in a really nice way.

Two women who are in a sad place in their respective lives swap places for a couple of weeks, and end up finding lurrve. I started watching the movie because it had Jude Law and Kate Winslet. If i were gay, Jude Law is someone i'd lust after. And you cannot not like Kate Winslet if you'd seen 'Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'.

I liked the idea. Swapping homes with a random stranger from a random geography in an attempt to deal with misery. Loved the openness with which Cameron Diaz and Jude Law go about their relationship. Bizzarely enough, they start out by having sex. Diaz floats the idea with these lines to a drunk Jude - "You know Graham, I just broke up with someone and considering you just showed up and you're insanely good-looking and probably won't remember me anyway... I'm thinking we should have sex... If you want"...A friend once told me a theory she read somewhere. If two people start sleeping with each other, after a point an emotional connect is inevitable, though there might've been none to start with. Much like how things usually work the other way round, minus the anxiety and the awkward moments. Animals are probably much smarter than we think. When a Barking deer fancies another Barking deer, i guess it probably doesn't start with a 'Hey i know a beautiful slope there that has really good grass, do you want to come along and graze there?'. Humans have complicated things beyond repair.

Loved the sensitivity with which they dealt with the Kate Winslet - Jack Black segment. But my favourite was the 'Kate - 90 yr old screen writer' equation. Very nicely done. But i wish they didn't make Jude's daughters 5 spoonfulls of sugar sweet.

The movie ends on a happy note with everybody dancing to a happy song on New years' eve. All that is nice, but I can't seem to take happiness at face value. Don't we all manage to find unhappiness in our own unique way?. Now, that sounds terrible. I need to get out and shop for positive vibes. Mountains shall be climbed and seas shall be swum in. Literally, i mean, those were'nt corny metaphors. When you are a few hundred metres inside the sea, floating on your back, being tossed around by the waves, with a view of the evening sky and the Thiruvanmiyur skyline (which is a bunch of old yellow flats), the world does seem perfect. Until a plastic cover that has lost it's way brushes against you, and you think it is a great white shark, lose your balance, and take in a mouthful of sea water...

Also, i learnt a new word from the movie. Gumption - Fortitude and determination; Sound practical judgement. I like the sound the word makes. Gumption...

This and that...

Suddenly, i have a social life in chennai. It is not the 'meeting a girl and wooing her' kind of social life. It is more of a 'bunch of badly dressed 30 year olds meeting up' kind. Folks who had flown away to far away lands have come back. Guys who had gotten married have been married long enough now for their wives to not miss them on a Friday evening. We meet at bars* that don't care about the colour of our underwears or whether we're wearing shoes, and discuss life, Vadivel comedies and our respective pasts and shaky futures, and whether a couple of us (last men standing) should ideally be 'meeting a girl(each) and wooing her' instead.

Visa approval has come at a time when i had reconciled to the idea of not leaving the country, and was even toying with the idea of moving to Bangalore sometime. To give fate a fair chance, i have blocked my interview date for Sep-11. White men at the US Consulate are likely to hate 'bloody immigrants' more passionately on that day. But it is likely that i'd be leaving Chennai in less than a month.

In other news, Saturdays are being spent wearing whites and playing leather ball cricket at Sindhi College grounds in some corporate tournament. It is a lot of fun. Even made a 50 a couple of weeks ago. Was mighty thrilled. The last time i made a 50 in a leather ball game was in final year college in a Hostel day match.

Life's been good. All i need now is a genie who'd do all my work...

* Most bars/pubs in chennai require the drinkers to be 'properly' dressed. The ones that don't have a dress code will typically be all-men's bars. I don't know how this works. Women don't go to bars where men don't wear shoes :). Also, at Benz Park (a place in T-Nagar), i saw two restrooms next to each other, and both had a 'Men's' sign board. Very amusing it was...

ps: The interview being on 9/11, and me reading a book titled 'The two towers' (LOTR -2) while awaiting my turn at the consulate notwithstanding, the consular officer thought i was neither 'potential immigrant' material nor 'terrorist' material, and granted me the visa. I could still try to smuggle Marijuana and get deported at the port of entry. Let's see...

Munnar

Wet wet wet...


Nutt and Minnal at top-station...


Lotsof beedis. A little vodka. Old friends. Many conversations. Laughter. An interesting driver with a clear head and a tragic past. Incessant rains. Breathtaking views. Minor treks. Mist. Chaaya. Pazha bajji. Colorful umbrellas. Wet winding roads. A road-side eatery with a taurpalin top to keep the showers away, where a drunk guy shook my hands and said "I like your flaasafee in life" (Why he said so?, the vodka in my blood wouldn't allow me to recall). A room with a view of a church. And a hostess who said "God bless you child" when we were vacating the hotel room. Faith/No-faith, that was a beautiful moment. A trip that was worth it's while, and much more. A weekend of drenching in munnar.

Good bye 20s, Hell! Oh' 30s?...

30. Officially old. Officially unattractive. Happy birthday to me :).

With some effort i can see my scalp. Though, from far, i'd seem to have a head full of hair. Everything looks prettier and more wholesome from far.

A recent celebrity dream. I've had them before. But, it's usually just the deed. No run ups, no frills. They're purely functional in nature. Aimed just at hormonal balance. This one was different. A U-Certificate celebrity dream. Late night conversations with Trisha in Thirvanmayur beach. Coffees. MTC bus rides (a definite impact of the 'Aayutha ezhuthu' sequence). We even stood at my favourite bridge in Muttukaad, watching the sun go down. I woke up with a kind of light-headed happy feeling. The kind you get up with when you're in a nice lazy relationship. Or an illusion of being in one, looking forward to the day, looking forward to seeing the face you want to see. I've been there before. But it's been a while and i'm out of touch. So this was a nice dream to dream.

Back to reality. Confounded by a bunch of criss-crosses. Like umpteen others...

Hang on, do better at the current job. Make up for possibly the worst work year in 9 years.

A viable business idea. Quit. Execute it. Be on the move, seeing new places while at it. See how it goes..

Move to the US. Do a part-time Geo course. Spend weekends surfing in Half-moon bay and Santacruz. Get real good at it.

Start a Table tennis school. Cater to cash-rich corporate men/women. And to kids to whose life sport will make a difference. With a proper operational plan, ensure it doesn't go into charity mode and ensure that the kids have their pride and self esteem intact.

Marry? Even have a daughter at some point maybe? Have a family to support and be supported by. The whole nine yards.

Take a year off. Travel around India by the most economical means. Document it. No wordy paragraphs. Just facts. To aid other travellers. And pictures, yes.

Many wants. One life.

Here's to hope, and the road ahead...

Sunrise...

An out of shape sun rising behind a thick cloud cover...Taken in the Gharwal himalayas last year...Again, for Cuckoo's monthly kompteeshun...

If you'd been a beer drinker and turned a vodka drinker, going back to beer could be very very difficult..Way too much effort for the same result...

Dipikaji: Ek vodka large, with lime cordial, soda, 4 ice cubes..

Bartender: Lekin aap normally bade bothal waale Beer peethae hai na?

Dipikaji: Agar wahi nasha, wahi kick, kam milli litres mein mil jaae tho mai bade bothal waale beer kyon piyoon?

Bartender: Maan gae Dipikaji, aapko aur aapki Vodka ko...

Agla kaaryakram 'Rangoli'...

Random post, I can't bring myself to post a post without a title...

The above pic is an entry to Cuckoo's topic for the month, 'Lonely'. A leafless tree/shrub standing alone in a barren stretch always evokes that emotion in me. This was taken during a trek to Kumara Parvatha (that's the second tallest peak in Karnataka, next to Muliyangiri).

It is June and I am still in chennai. Visa gods are refusing to smile. I've been living in a state of transit for way too long. So, instead of waiting for life to happen in Bay area, i thought i should get on with life in chennai. If and when the move happens it'll happen. I read somewhere, forgot whose quote it is, but it goes something like this: 'No matter how far you travel, at the other end you'll find yourself'.

I re-joined the place i used to play Table tennis in. In a couple of weeks i should be playing in the state ranking circuit. It's been a while since i played competitive. Looking forward to seeing familiar faces. If i manage one top-16 finish by the end of the season i'll be more than happy. I think i am happiest playing some sport and being involved in some kind of physically exerting pursuit. In Amit's terminology, playing improves my body's serotonin levels (that's some happiness associated chemical...and Amit is this doctor guy i met at NIM who insists on giving a technical explanation to every mood swing, and his body apparently produces serotonin most when he is climbing in the himalayas :).

Does anybody watch the 'Lok Sabha' channel. It is one of those Dordarshan channels with viewership probably limited to places that are dependent on a Panchayat owned Television airing only DD channels. Anyways, they show these films made by FTII Pune's diploma students and movies that NFDC sponsors and the like. They're all so beautifully made. Like yesterday they showed this short film called 'Saanj' by someone called Jasmine Kaur. It was about this senile old man living alone and a young guy and a girl living next door trying to reach out. It was so beautifully shot and so sensitively done. And almost every movie or short film screened there touches a chord. Probably because of the honesty to story-telling that comes with being a student whose objective is the creation itself and not the returns it fetches. If you get the channel, watch it.

May has come and gone and i am yet to take the year's quota of break. Work scene is not pretty. Hoping to get away by June end or early July, at least for a week. Will do the 'Valley of flowers' trek or do Vaishno Devi, Dal lake and the Taj. Need to do some major 'pulling up socks' act before that to get over the deficit accrued over a listless work phase. Fingers crossed.

Confessions...

A man's worth must be measured by the number of people who come for his funeral. Not the ones who come out of courtesy. Or those who are fulfilling a formal obligation by coming. But the ones who have the urge to look at him one last time. The obscure ones whose presence is largely ignored. The tailor from the street corner. The cycle shop owner two streets away. The mechanic who always mended his struggling scooter. They did not enter his home and offer condolensces. But they were all there during the cremation. Scores of them. Standing in random nooks. Unnoticed. Paying their respects. And leaving as silently as they arrived. He had never realized that his Father had touched so many lives. The gravity of what he had lost would come to the surface much later. He was far removed from the catastrophy he was in the middle of. Insensitive, if you may. But life would change irreversibly. The bridge across to his sister would be broken. His fault. He was an escapist coward. Hiding away in the safety of his hostel. While his sister picked up the pieces, confronted the demons, and held things together. The bridge has been mended since. Bonds re-established. But some mistakes don't deserve a second chance. He was fortunate to have one.

It would be quite a while before he realized the enormity of the loss. He would do it alone, in his hostel room. He would find unlikely allies in P and N. The guys who included him in their fold when he was at the point of losing it. It is strange how the toughest of times forge these strong bonds. Or break seemingly strong ones.

It has been over ten years now. Some snapshots keep coming back. Bicycle lessons on a rented bicycle, 50 paise per hour, two siblings quarreling over whether a 10-minute slot was over, and a fair dad playing judge. An unexpected Hero-Unibike gift to two very delighted kids. Cricket on the terrace. Cricket in the Hall. Dips in Cauvery marked by failed swimming lessons. Early morning scooter lessons, and how his dad wouldn't panic or let him panic when the gravest of mistakes were made on the road. Shuttle in the garden with Mom's saree for a net. Home grown chillies and tomatoes, and at one particular time, even maize. There were no fancy shoes or expensive clothes. No birthday parties and other such frills. But he and his sis would go to the best of schools. Live in nice homes. However bad business was, however tight finances were. His dad always knew what was more important and what wasn't. Always neatly dressed, hair neatly combed, a battered sandal colore suitcase in hand, an asthmatic sneeze as accompaniment, his dad was so full of energy and life, a compulsive optimist, a dreamer who shielded his kids from reality. He would think back of his dad with fondness and a sense of pride. And guilt. And bestow upon him the kindof respect he deserved. A little too late.

Tipsy again..posting again...with apologies to the irate anonymous commenter of the previous post..

I usually go out with a bunch of guys. There is no future with them since i am straight. Or i meet married women or women with boyfriends, fiances and the like (the unavailable kind). I am most comfortable with them since there is no need to appear cool or impress or score brownie points. But at times i wish i was meeting a woman whose feet my feet touch under the table, while we pretend to have a serious conversation about communism or theoritical physics, neither of which either of us have a clue about, and go on and graduate to touching feet without having to pretend. I guess i am too old for such games. But is anybody too old for such games? I've been middle-aged in my head for a while now. I think in the period from 26 to 30, an average human ages a million and 11 years, give or take 3 years.Was chatting with P the other day. When we talk, the topic shifts to my singularity every once in a while. She says "Have an open mind da...u dont have to tell anyone its arranged...but try and meet ppl...u dont have to marry every girl u meet...or any girl for that matter...but its nice to yell at someone in the morning when ur back is killing u...just for that its worth spending a few hours buying someone coffee-tiffen". Wisdom, no?

I used to think blogs were written by sad people with no personal lives. And then i started blogging. I used to think orkut was inhabited by stupid flirtatious 20 somethings with nothing better to do. But then i joined orkut. Buying a house, spending lakhs on a concrete piece, used to be an unthinkable idea and that's exactly what i did recently. Metamorphosis or wishy-washiness, term it as you please. I used to think arranged marriages were acts of desperation that i couldn't relate to. I don't think so any more. I am not out in the market. But when a friend tries to hook me up with a random being that he/she knows, i don't turn it down the way i used to less than a year ago...

ps: TQ, see, i can be tipsy and talk only about myself too. Am not all that nice :).

Drunk...after a really long time...

Drink very rarely these days..get drunk even more rarely...And alcohol doesn't tickle my brains no more...Still a high does not feel bad...Went with P and V. Occasion was what i mentioned in the previous post, the concrete piece.

Am a big fan of P. I've grown to respect him for his work ethic and brilliance, and love his company for the sense of humour with which he deals with everything. V is a long time friend. Haven't really worked with him, but anyone who knows him will like him.

Random talks...Beer...Wine...Rum...Of how much our dads have done for each of us...the schools we went to...the education we got...despite the lean patches our parents went through...the things they gave up for our good..the platform that helped us get where we are..Of past love lifes, or the imagination of an existence of one, or some...Of bulbs* given, bulbs got...names withheld of course...events are more important than the people they happen to...More beer..more rum...Of what we think is in store...V will live on in chennai...likes his life...likes his wife...is pragmatic...is a husband and a dad...P is engaged...gathered enough courage recently, to tell his fiance, that he kind of likes the effect alcohol has on his head and his life...he is still engaged, so things are not too bad...And as for me, i am looking forward to leaving chennai...Living in the bay area...Writing code for a living...Being around Sis and Bil a lil...Figuring out if i'd like earth sciences as much as i fancy it...The more i talk about leaving chennai, the more i feel i am going to be around for longer than i desire...Lets see...

Am beginning to wonder if there was any point to this post...So i'll read some news for the record...Important things have happened to people important to me...P put kutti and she calls her son Sanjay...fully nice only...D got her divorce and she can plan and look forward to the rest of her life...When she called me to tell me of the divorce, she sounded happier than what people sound like when they call me to tell me they've found someone...Made me wonder about the whole cycle...Sis has heart-burns, cant eat sambhar saadham, cant drink wine...and i find the former more tragic...B became an entrepreneur ...i am skeptical about his venture's success, but badly hope it does well and he makes it big...M became a nomad..G got domesticated...And i know you couldn't care less about the goings on in the life of V or P or Sis or B...but what to do..i am drunk...and these are the only things drunk fingers can type...so...so thats all...i am going to crash right now...

*Bulb - Chennai (Tamilnadu?) terminology...X likes Y, Y doesn't like X enough => Y gave Bulb to X. Understand?

Where i tell you i am this regular average bloke in a roundabout fashion...

When the desire to board a train, any train, ticket in hand, bag on the shoulders, and no destination in mind, overwhelms the need to be engaged in the regular chore of writing code to make data frames travel from point A to point B (which, for most parts, would help random people download porn faster), the reality of having to pay EMI for the concrete piece that i've collected for myself, tilts the scales and decides things for me. How the fuck did i bring this upon myself?

Ok, i am being dramatic. I had said this some time ago. But last year i had taken a month's break. By the 4th week i was itching to write code, fix bugs, attend meetings and all that. I realized, for me, work gave a better illusion of purpose than climbing mountains or wandering. And a notion of being purposeful is important to be happy, no? Anyways, once this big existential question had been addressed, and i knew i'll continue to be overpaid for some time atleast, i decided to give in to the easier of my mom's two long pending requests, the 'Why don't you buy a home' one. That we were ousted from our previous home by the landlord helped too. I now owe HDFC a lot of money. And i own a home some 200 metres from the Thiruvanmiyur beach. Feels scary. Feels nice. I feel secure. I feel bogged down.

Meanwhile Mani has quit his job. Pooja quit her's a while ago. And they are on the road on a Thunderbird, indefinitely. I'll try and enjoy their travels, vicariously. And maybe visit them for weekends once in a while. Yep, thats more like it. Mad work schedules interspersed with short breaks and travels, and a Himalaya darshan for the summer (deciding between Nepal and Sikkim this year). Taking a vacation suits me better than living one i guess...

Taare Zameen Par..

I wish Aamir's entry had been less dramatic. And it reminded me of Robin William's entry into the cancer ward in 'Patch Adams'. Calvin's 'Spaceman spiff' avatar must've influenced Ishan's '9 X 3' solution (am glad that scene was there though). And the movie should've probably ended at the point where Ishaan leaves the hostel early on the day of the contest, to take in the scene for his painting, Aamir's voice in the background. Leaving loose ends gives things a beauty mundane completeness doesn't. It is good when movies, like life, end with us wanting more of it. But we did love to see Ishaan win the contest. We did love the look on the kid's face and the lump on our throats when he sees that Aamir has drawn a portrait of him. Who are we kidding! I am glad the movie did not end earlier than it actually did. We want to see it all. We are incorrigible. It was a beautiful movie. Loved it.

About the dog and the deaths of random people...

The dog is no longer there. The white one that used to remain curled up on the landing of the staircase. That takes me up to my work place every day. The dog was a daily sight. A comforting one. What reason, i do not know. I hope it has found a new home. I am not a big fan of dogs. I am not the animal lover kind either. Except that i don't eat them. But this dog had endeared itself to me somehow. Every day i would think of feeding it the Good Day biscuits from the cafeteria i so hate. Never did it. There are so many things i think earnestly but never do. Next time i see that dog, i'll feed it Good day biscuits first thing. It is funny how random beings affect your life. Like the time when 'Monal' died. I was oddly sad. She was Simran's cousin and had come down to try her luck in Tamil films. She had commited suicide. I was coming back from Munnar. With a bunch of friends. And saw posters splashing news of her death at the Dindugal bus stand. And i was hit by this weird sense of grief. As if someone dear was gone. Or the time when Hrishikesh Mukherji died. Atleast i loved his movies. How the mind's strings get pulled to make you feel a certain unexplainable way, i haven't a clue. But i hope the white dog has found a peaceful nook to curl up and sleep...

Mai bhi happy new year post likhoongaa...

So, 2007 has come to an end. I tried hard to make the earlier sentence sound less lame and cooler and all but couldn't. So i settled for "So, 2007 has come to an end". I dont understand how people like Pri, Partly Cloudy (this blog is no more, so sad) etc manage to be so funny, serious, breezy, poignant etc so effortlessly (all in the same post at times, and for most parts Pri is just extremely funny, i simply like using the other adjectives!). I am so jealous. Discovered a few other really nice blogs too. Ok, that's not the point of this post. We are not making speeches about strangers' blogs. We are doing a happy new year post.

I must remember to write the correct year in the cheques this year. And also tear check(this spelling is so much easier) leaves from the right check book. No more free Rs.393s ICICI. Sorry. That's Resolution #1. Yes I make new year resolutions.

Was your year any good?

Mine was...hmm...Lemme see...I added a new colour to my beard. White. Used to be only black, brown and grey. Now there is white too. Good no?

And then i hung around with this crowd of very youngish people for a while. People who still looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses. The kind that would go to Beasant Nagar beach for 'Friendship day' and tie 'Friendship bands' on each others' wrists! Find rose coloured heart shaped balloons cute. Find stuffed toys cute. Forward mails with subjects that read "This is so cute!". Generally use the word 'cute' a lot. Ok, you get the drift right..It was a nice happy crowd, but truth be told, i started hanging out with this group primarily because i was drawn to a certain someone in it (i am normally more comfortable around jaded cynics:). But some things are not meant to work. This one certainly wasn't i guess. So, on the morning that the certain someone was leaving Chennai for good, we met at Marina, stared at the sea for a while, spoke very little, and said our Good Byes. We even gave each other parting gifts. To remember what we could've had but didn't quite have by.

And then I had a tooth pulled out. Man that was so violent! Was shocking. And had a root canal done. If i had a choice i would prefer a heart attack or something. I think i should knock of all teeth and get a set. Be done with them once and for all! Fucking teeth! I still have 2 fillings to be done. It is worse than going to a proctologist!

And then i waved to atleast 35 people while shitting and they waved back (some of them were at it themselves and some weren't). No, seriously. Now, how many of you can stake a claim to such a feat hun? [Pats self on back].

The 'And then's remind me of 'Hey dude where's my car'...Remember the scene where they're in a car and are ordering food at a drive in and an automated voice keeps going on and on repeating 'And then' 'And then' 'And then' even after they're done with the orders and they get all irritated and bash up the machine and the machine continues to say 'And then 'And then' anyways, but now in a funny electronic voice and all...It was a lame movie but that scene was hilarious. And I am digressing. Ok one final 'And then'..

And then i e-mailed a blog stranger and even met her. Now, please bring down those raised eye-brows and stop rolling your eyes. I guess P's "Being open to new experiences" fundaa is kind of rubbing off on me. Plus my extreme boredom helped too. But it was actually a rather nice thing to go through. I was very sleepy and i can't remember much of the conversation (Except that she mentioned Drivers' license a few times. C, don't call me names :). But i came off it feeling vaguely nice and wanting to do it again when i was more awake. Plus, I had nearly forgotten the notion of looking forward to e-mails...

And yea, the high point of the year was, surviving the basic mountaineering course at NIM. Even literally (16400 feet you see. Now i am bragging. Shall stop. Sorry.). But the lull that followed the course, in terms of treks and travel, is not a good sign. Amends to be made. Resolution #2 - Spend less time at work. And more importantly, when you are at work, just work (Resolutions applicable only from tomorrow, i am currently at work you see :)..

This post has become too long. I am yawning. And so shall you if you've come this far...

2007 was not bad after all. But very few things are bad on hind sight no? The past is, for most parts, comforting. It is like home. It may not be a fancy place with italian tiles and acrylic paints. But you're comfortable in it's red oxide and cement and white wash...

I hope to leave Chennai in 2008. Atleast for a bit. Need to do that to keep my love for the city intact :). If things go as planned i should be in the Bay Area by mid 2008. But do things ever go as planned? Eyes looking west and fingers crossed...

Anyways, to those passing by, wishing you much happiness and other such pink stuff this year. Have a good one...

Of Doing the right things...

Eddie Willers, in 'Atlas Shrugged' would've been asked as a kid, what he wants to do when he grows up. And he says "To do the right thing". That, for me, was one of the most telling statements of the book. He is not in the same league as John Galt or Francisco De Anconio. But he gives his best shot and leads an honest life and always, always does the right thing.

Saw 'Evano oruvan' a couple of days back. Loved it for it's intent. 'Evano Oruvan's' Sridhar Vasudevan reminded me of Eddie Willers for some reason (there are no striking similarities, just that i thought 'Sridhar Vasudevan' lived by that 'Eddie Willers' statement). He is not a hot shot super competent genius. A regular bank employee leading a run-of-the-mill life. But, with unshakeable integrity. Someone who keeps the rights right and the wrongs wrong and does not compromise just because that is the more convenient thing to do. He is pushed to a wall. He snaps, breaks free, and goes berserk. The movie had some profound moments. The scenes with the street-dweller/artist, the Madhavan monologue in the middle of the night, the police-officer's monologue at the end, to name a few. The police-officer's monologue, in particular, was quite hard hitting.

I wish Madhavan had revisited and modified some of the dialogues he penned. While some of them were good, some of them were quite cliched. But a theme like this, i'll gladly ignore all the flaws and lap up the movie.

I am not naive enough to think that movies are going to transform a society. Most people prefer being pragmatic to being honest and right. Parents want to get to the Gods quicker. They bribe the priest. The kids are watching. A generation of kids is infected. A bunch of freshers join a company. They see the seniors busily filling out fake 'Rent receipts' and fake 'Medical bills'. A generation of tax payers is infected. You can make umpteen 'Anniyans' (which is a lousy movie by the way, stay away) or 'Evano Oruvans', nothing will change. Our folks are not that stupid or that impressionable. Nevertheless i am glad 'Evano Oruvan' was made....

Current affairs

Life has been stagnant for a while. A few eventful things did happen. But they weren't very pretty. So at 29 you suddenly feel 95. You hate being in brood mode for too long. It is a viscious cycle. Negativity breeds more negativity. Forgive the cliche, but life is much simpler when it is a series of check boxes and you haven't started questioning things yet. You want to be in your class magazine's editorial board (just so that P thinks you're a cool chap). You want to score 90+ in math and science (just so that your dad could think for a fleeting moment that you're as smart as your sis). You want to be in your school's TT team for the Montfort tournament in Yercaud. You want to sit next to P and watch a movie in Kailasapuram Club (that never happened, but you're quite satisfied with just a smile from her while picking up your bicycle after the movie). You want to land an admit in a decent college. You want to land a job. Any job. Just to get you out of an unexpected tight spot that presented itself. You want to make peace with your sis for a nasty situation which is mostly your doing. Some things go your way. Some things dont. But you're happy when things go right and when you're sad you know exactly why.

But suddenly, the rest of the check boxes do not appeal to you. Or so you've managed to convince yourself. And you think you're in the wrong place doing the wrong things and time is just passing by.

When you have this vague dissatisfaction gnawing at you and you don't even know why, it is tragic. Now, you don't really know your problem, or, are you pretending? When you keep telling yourself that there is more to life than having a companion, are you being totally honest? Would you ever shed your ego and admit that you don't totally enjoy the idea of being by yourself most of the time, reading by the beach, travelling alone to Uttarkashi or Hampi or Kerala. That you'd rather that there is someone who tags along. Someone you could talk to, drink with, sleep with, share cigarrettes, darkness, life and secrets with. I am not a regular smoker, but sharing a cigarette with a companion does not sound too cancerous.

Shit!, did i sound too needy? I'll probably come back tomorrow, knock this post off and write a pseudo post about how it is so cool to be absolutely independent and on your own all the time. But until then, please deal with the honester version. Applications to fill the void are being accepted. You must be female, single and a shade crazy. Drinking, smoking and an appetite to travel are preferred qualities. We could replace alcohol with coffee and cigarrettes with biscuits, but it wouldnt be quite the same, would it? From my side, i promise to be nice, loyal and honest. I cut nails and hair very rarely and shave once a month utmost and have 35 grey coloured t-shirts. When i receive no applications, i'll start posting anonymous comments.

Waaththa fuck...

Otha. Pronounced as Oaththa or Waaththa. Depending on conditioning. It is a tamil word that translates to 'Fuck'. Emitting this word loudly calms me a bit. The english equivalent doesnt. But where i come from it is considered cool to say 'Fuck'. Cooler if you say it aloud. And way cooler if there are women around and you announce you dont care. But you say 'Otha', you are a lungi wearing truck driving lecherous pervert. I dont have anything against lungi wearing. Or truck driving. But i might have something against lecherous perverts. So if someone thinks i am one i wont like it. This has had some serious repercussions. Around here, kids are brought up to beleive "Man saying Otha = Very bad man". And going by last year's opinion-pool, men kindof grow out it, but women dont. So basically my chances of hitting it off with with any tamil-knowing girl were ruined. Same applies for non-tamil-knowing girls who know tamil-knowing girls (cos tamil-knowing girls tend to protect non-tamil-knowing girls from 'Very bad men'). That pretty much covers all the girls in my RADAR. And i hold this and only this fully responsible for my singularity :). Now you see my problem. Tch tch...

ps: If i find a otha-emitting girl i'll pursue her unto death...

pps: Is this problem local to just tamil. I mean if you're a telugu speaking guy and you shout out 'Dhengu' (that's telugu for 'Fuck'), and the girl you might probably fancy is in the vicinity, would she think of you as anything more than scum (atleast to start with) ?

Overcast...

The Beach...


Dark skies. Ice-cold rain. Stormy winds. An extremely rough sea. A desolate thiruvanmiyur beach. 5 people in all. A boy-girl rosy eyed pair. I liked them instantly. Just because they were there at that point. Two other strangers, an umbrella apiece. And me, a helmet on my head, and the rest of me getting wet. Troubles? What are they? Life is all bliss...

But then, the skies clear. The winds cease to blow. The sea calms down. And real life resurfaces...