Saturday, July 25, 2009

Bhaawra mann dekhne chalaa ek sapna...

I am not sure why i gave this title to this post. Except that this is my 'current' all time favourite song. And ever since i saw this video of the Sahyadris with this song playing in the background, i've been itching to be in the Western ghats in the monsoon.

I turned 31 this week. 31 sounds infinitely older than 30. G and i share birthdays. So, after a non-celebrating dinner with her, i spent my birthday midnight clapping hands and singing the customary song while she cut her b'day cake at the 'surprise' party her friends had put together for her. For the 31st, i would've thrown a birthday party, if i had a wife, and a mistress, and i wanted to appear happily married to all and sundry. Since i had no such motivations, i let it pass.

But such days do serve as points that make you sit back, and take stock of where you are and where you want to be. I had a bunch of contradictory wants at 30. I have a bunch of contradictory wants now. Age doesn't seem to give me wisdom, the way it is supposed to. From young and stupid, i am simply growing into old and clueless. I did move countries. One of the wants at 30. But I've been having more of the 'What the fuck am i doing here?' moments. Not that i didn't have those back home. But i'd find instant comfort in the urine bathed Karl Shmidt memorial, and the warm waters of the Besant Nagar beach, a 10 minute ride away. It doesn't help that my life's all-important happiness-giver, sport, has been missing in action. The injury from that simple fall has a fancy name now, Rotator-cuff tendonitis, and is showing signs of hanging around for a while. So, instead of waiting for it to heal, i decided i'll turn leftie. I am starting out by learning to shoot at least 2 pointers with my left hand, so that i can play Basketball with a bunch of college buddies. Also planning to resume playing Ultimate Frisbee tomorrow, throwing only forehands and catching with my left hand. It should be fun, and would be nearly like learning a new sport, the left hand aspect that is.

On the surface, i've been having an alright time. Hanging out with college junior Balaji and college roomie Swami at Castro every once in a while. Also, did this trip to Yellowstone with Swami, Sudhir and Heman, friends from undergrad days. It's hard to beleive that it's been a decade since college. It was an awesome trip, and all the more fun, thanks to Sudhir/Heman's kid, who was a total entertainer. Yellowstone was very pretty and all, but we probably would've had as much fun sitting under a random tree and catching up.

But i've kind of decided this is not the place i want to live and grow old in. There is something missing with life here, and i can't quite place my finger on that. When push comes to shove, i'll pack my bags again. And it'll come to shove latest by the early part of next year. Until then i shall find ways and means to amuse myself. I intend to take a year's break before 35. I am increasingly inclined to do that earlier rather than later, so that'll probably be my next step. I have a vague business idea. It is something i can work on on my own while i am on the move. I am not sure if it'll give me any returns. And i have this huge mind block against being an entrepreneur. But i want to try it out, any which ways. We have one life after all.

K wished me peace, and all the travel i want, for the year ahead. I think, travel, at least, can be arranged. Hoping to spend my 32nd, sitting by a glacial river, and sipping chaai, adhrak maar ke...

ps: Dear annoyed anonymous commenter. After alcohol and coffee, i've now moved on to ginger tea. Pliss to go easy on me this time around...

16 comments:

Balaji Shankar said...

Ginger tea? I thought "mint tea" had taken its place ;) All the best for your contradictory wishes :)

Arun said...

injuries suck.

Parth said...

Happy birthday. Applying my brilliant mathematical mind, I can safely conclude that you and I were born just a few days apart. I hope the injury gets better and allows you to come back to regular shape to do all the things you want to.

symphonyofthesoul said...

I turned 29 a week ago, and you are right, age has nothing to do with wisdom and maturity...

I hope this comment was less enthusiastic than the previous one :)

childwoman~

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday.
Enjoy and May all your wishes become True.

Beware! However, that Entrepreneurship is not for recommended for the Faint hearted.

gullu said...

Happy Birthday!!!

lakshmi narasimhan said...

belated birthday wishes avinash.
No celebrity dreams this time? :)

Tys on Ice said...

man, 31 is such a great age...but then u will have to hit 50s to really appreciate it..

frissko said...

Balaji - Thanks man...And different places, different teas...

Arun - yeah, more so if you're the playing kind...

Parth - Thanks. And belated (very) birthday wishes to you too!...

Symphonyofthesoul - Age does replace pink goggles with grey ones, and giggles with wry smiles...If only it gave all the answers in the bargain :)...And too many people born around the same time eh...

frissko said...

anony - Thanks. I should be alright, cos the plan is not to make tons of money...Low investment and low or no returns...It is just something i want to do...But i've had so many thoughts that never saw the light of day...Lets see how far i go with this one...

gullu - thanks man...

lakshmi - thanks man...and yeah guess the dreams have dried up...

Tys on ice - :)...

Swami said...

i always say to ppl in their 31s, you are in your prime , make it special

Anjana R said...

tea rocks. this from a member of a filter kaapi household. :D

Princess Fiona said...

belated happy bday dude...have a wonderful year ahead...and dont feel bad abt the 31 - its only a number...if anythin..men like wine only get better with age ;)

frissko said...

swami - yea yea...i can see that you're making it special :)...Glenn Fidick...and what was the other thing?...mud bastard?...

Anjana - i think ppl have context based drink preferences (at least i do)...when you're in a hill station, or by a river...tea feels more like it...

Fiona - thanks...and yea it's got nothing to do with the number...i've been spending considerable time with just out of college kids 6 years younger or more since i was 28...and they all call me uncle...i blame it on that :)...

Trauma Queen said...

this post came long after ur budday eh?

well nice to know ur a thaatha now...don't forget the walking stick!

hee hee hee

wife and mistress wa? thoo i thot u were a nalla payyan and alll

frissko said...

tq - no, it came 2 days after my bday...you're reading it long after my bday :)...and don't smirk...it won't be too long before you become a walking stick wielding paatti...and nalla payyan? i have no claims of being one...