Friday, October 28, 2011

Hello again, world

I’ve been light and happy for way too long. It is beginning to get a little unnerving. It is almost like I’ve deserted my life’s script and got into somebody else’s. From being a grey bearded entity who takes off on long vacations and unplanned solo trips, I’ve transformed into someone who’d wear an ironed purple shirt with khakhis, and drive with his wife for a distant relative’s shashtiapthapoorthi. Thankfully, the ironed purple shirt is still from Khadi. And a reasonable chunk of what I used to be, I still am.

So, between the last post and this, I fell for someone, pursued her, and got married in July '11. And i am discovering that married life isn't as scary as I imagined it to be. It’s nice to have someone to hang wet clothes with. Someone to hold your bag when you fiddle with your keys to open your house’s door. Someone to share vodka, darkness, life and secrets with (if this sounds familiar, thanks for being around this blog for so many years ).

And life outside marriage continues to exist. I still get my weekend games of ultimate. I still get to drink at GP with friends of 12 years. And get lost in Nagalapuram and swim in the accidentally discovered waterfall/stream with friends I used to get lost in Tada with.

But amidst all this being light and happy, I miss the intensity of emptiness at times. I miss this urge to stand at a precipice and shout like Tarzan. I miss this thing that drove me to write innumerable weird drunken posts past 3 am, most of which never saw the light of the day. I know I ought to say ‘good riddance’ and be thankful for the place in life I am at. For most parts I do just that. But there is this masochistic part per million that refuses to fall in line…

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did anything positive come out of that intense emptiness?

Congratulations to you and your better half...! Wishing you two a lifetime of togetherness. Saw the pictures on FB, but did not get a chance to comment.

Best,
Suman

Parth said...

Congratulations on the new merger, even at the cost of the assured occasional madness :)

Bhargavi said...

first time on your blog. Congrats ! and happy "wet clothes hanging"

Heathcliffs Girl said...

:) congrats!

Heathcliffs Girl said...

haha, word verification was "BLESSU" ok, then, Bless you!!

shub50 said...

Its so great to see you in the blogosphere again :) my best best wishes to the happy couple. May your joy continue. and maybe you have had your share of emptiness...:)

frissko said...

Suman - Thanks...Not sure if anything positive came out of that, but sometimes you do miss unpretty phases of life right...Like stockholm syndrome in the context of thoughts...

Parth - Thanks...Very reassuring ;)...

Bhargavi - Thanks...And welcome to this side of town...

HG - Thanks...And going by my own word verification experiences, i am sure the engine has a life of it's own :)...

Shuba - Thanks...

Anonymous said...

"And i am discovering that married life isn't as scary as I imagined it to be."
This is my "I told you so" moment :)

--G

Vasanth said...

Happy to hear that you are enjoy your married life :)
Cool Machi, been a while since we spoke. Lets catch up soon da.

Vidya said...

Congratulations. :)

Did your loneliness ever bring you happiness? Did it ever compel you to wear a purple shirt, or smile at hanging wet clothes? Did it allow you to feel joy in the little pleasures of life?

I do understand what you mean about intensity, though. I love to write, but I can only do it well under the worst circumstances.

Well wishes to you and yours!

Anjana R said...

not sure ho i came here but-
spread some of that happiness bro!

frissko said...

G - Yeah, you could certainly say that :)...

Vidya - No, no and no...But like i said we don't necessarily hold on to only nice things...In that sense i miss the heaviness at times...

Anjana - Yea yea...i guess the spreading happens without having to explicitly try...And welcome...

frissko said...

Vasanth - Yeah...And we should move sessions to Thursdays...

Childwoman said...

I am just plain glad to see your post after almost a year. Good to see you back.

Congrats on your wedding.

tys said...

congratulations...

union of 2 people on a common path is a positive thing...

a person who has a partner has a choice of going home to company and comfort and chose to be alone when he/she chooses it...a solitary man need not have such a choice...

so u r in a good place

great to see u back

GB said...

Congrats!!! I haven't visited in a long time...great update :)

Priya said...

Avi,

"It is almost like I’ve deserted my life’s script and got into somebody else’s".

Not really. You were the guy in the happy bubble remember? Good to see him make a comeback :-)

Anyway, you could be speaking for me with that sentence. I read Julian Barne's booker winner and actually told R that I find it tedious to read books that contemplate on the darker side of the human condition. I prefer fantasy or humor these days. Imagine that!

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Trauma Queen said...

i still need to get myself to post a post-marriage post. It is very hard, considering Total Trauma is so heavily singlist!

anyway, it has been a while since oct 2011, do you still feel parts per million pangs? I think if one of you works the night shift, you can still have your space and still be part of a couple. But trust me, it's no fun after exactly 3 days.

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