How stuff doesn't work.

When you are two timing you are faithful to neither. In work. And in relationships (the non-platonic kind). I am currently in such a predicament, at work. The advantage here is that one can always be an alibi for the other, and you can cool off a little, writing a post at the start of a work day. The downside is, almost always, you're so torn between two opposing forces of deeds to be done, that you freeze and end up doing neither.

Of late, i find the idea of even one timing (now, not work) pretty exerting. Sometimes i feel that having a companion, physical intimacy etc are obscenely overrated. It'll be good to have someone available, a phone call away, a bus ride away, or a loud shout away. Just to keep you from dying of solitude or repressed sexuality. But then, after talking the talk, or doing the deed, or both, the two people have to return back to their respective real lives. There should be no encroachment of personal space beyond that. There shouldnt be a need for realignment or reprioritisation of what you want to do with your life, to accomodate someone else. Once you start doing that, resentment will start setting in. Sooner or later, your urge to live life the way you want to, will overweigh the desire to continue to be with whoever you are with, and the relationship will start dying a slow silent death in the background (or sometimes a noisy quarrelsome death in the foreground). And there is no way that two people will have the same wants out of life. Peope are pretty much like their fingerprints. Unique.

A road taken...

I was at crossroads for a while, till a while ago. I either had to sit in the same place i've been sitting for the past couple of years, and try a kind of work i have not tried before, and have been meaning to try for a while. Something that would involve dressing up well, carrying yourself properly, talking a lot, being nice and phony to people over the phone(cos they'll mostly be customers), and some more stuff that have been foreign to me. Or, i would have to move to a different place, a different organization (my customer for the past couple of years), and do the same kindof work i've been doing since i finished college. Decided on the latter. All big decisions take only a couple of minutes, i guess. Just that i took 3 weeks to spend those two minutes on thinking about it. If i didnt take the latter i would be leaving something half baked, unfinished. For good or bad, did not have the heart to not stick around till that piece is taken to completion. Stick around till we know that the product'll bring in rotten tomatoes or revenue.

This is probably insignificant in the grander scheme of things. At some point, when i was working late night and my sis had called up, she said, 'Ten years down the line, you would not look back and say, 'Yes I fixed that bug ten years ago!''. I shut down after the call and went to bed. I guess, like so many others, i suffer from a borderline syndrome. Being good at work, the idea of a shipped product for which i've done my part etc, excite me nearly as much as a hike in the himalayas. One without the other will proabably be meaningless...